How Are You Doing?

"How are you doing?" I heard that question a lot lately...well since Nick passed away. How do you answer a question like that? You don't want to say "I feel like crap. I'm lost without my son. I wish he were still here. It's not fair." But...you don't. You say "I'm fine. Taking it one day at a time." In reality, it hurts...a lot. I'm not fine. I do have my moments where I feel like crap and miss him so much and wish he was still here. I am human. I am his mom. But I do know one thing for sure. Nick is not here on earth. He is in Heaven with Jesus. And that is the greatest gift ever; knowing that He is watching over my little boy. 

It's so weird not driving to Jamestown on Sundays. It's been hard for me to get out of the habit of checking my phone every 5 minutes. I still have the Anne Carlsen Center on my speed dial. I just can't bring myself to remove the number from my phone. And I probably never will. It's weird yet great being back at church on Sundays. I have missed our church family. They have been the ones there for us through this long journey with Nick. Family doesn't necessarily have to be blood, that's for sure.

Today we went to the Health Expo at the Alerus Center. There were all sorts of booths there. Josh and I got our blood pressure and glucose checked. Everything came back normal. I finally gave in and made an appointment with a chiropractor. I know what you're thinking..."Finally?" Yeah...finally. I have been putting it off for a while because frankly, chiropractors creep me out, I can't stand the sound of cracking bones and I'm nervous they will break me. Let's be honest, I can barely walk a straight line sober, so I don't want to leave worse than what I am now. I am hoping they can help me with my hip problems because my long term goal is to be able to jog/run a marathon.

That's all for now I guess. I'll try to update again in a few days.

The Journey...

It's been a few months since I've updated this blog. This is one of the last photos taken of Nick before he passed away on February 9th, 2013, just before midnight. I won't say it's been easy, because losing your child is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. I am sad, a lot. Not sad in the way that I just want to lay in my bed and forget about the whole world. I'm sad in the way that I miss my little boy so much, but I know with all my heart that he is in Heaven with Jesus, pain free and watching over me. So yeah, I am sad. I am grieving the loss of my son. But the world did not end. I am still here. I have a purpose. I have been trying to keep myself busy, not to forget or not to grieve, but to prevent myself from going into a deep depression. I've witnesses this first hand with my dad after my mom passed away. He was so sad that he wanted to die also. I don't want that for myself. So, I keep busy. I am an Independent Designer for Origami Owl Jewelry (yvonnejones.origamiowl.com), and I am back in the gym working out. But now my workouts have a purpose. I workout for the coolest 16 year old I know. Her name is Brooke, and she has Autism. From what I have read about her, she is pretty awesome. You can read about her too at this link: ( www.butterfliesandbrooke.blogspot.com). Thanks Tim (https://www.facebook.com/IRunForMichael) for getting me hooked up with Brooke and her mom Dani. Tim is a cool guy. He created this awesome Facebook page (linked above) because of a cool guy he knows named Michael. Michael has Down Syndrome. I'm not going to tell you more. You'll just have to go like the Facebook page and read about Michael and the great things that are happening within the page and the group (www.facebook.com/groups/irunformichael). 

Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope to update this blog more often. 

Another good day...

Sitting here in the picu waiting room since my boy is resting. Lots of stuff going on in my head today. I love it here, I live the staff and all the care that Nick gets here. But I want to get him out of here and back to ACC so he can enjoy his time with his friends. And quite frankly, I want to go home myself. I miss my bed, my fur babies and especially my friends and family. But...we are here for however long we need to be. And that's okay. Not sure what else to type so I'll post again later....maybe a recipe!

It's been a while...

It's been almost a year since I've updated my blog. Life sure gets in the way of things, doesn't it? It's been one heck of a year for us. In June of 2011 we got Nick home after 6 months in the picu in Fargo. We had some very awesome nurses that worked with Nick in our home for just over a year. Let me tell you, I could never do their job. They worked MANY 16 hour shifts with our special boy, to help ease the stress on us, why? Because they cared so much about our family, but especially Nick. In July of 2012, we made the very hard decision to place Nick in a group home for special needs kids. Best decision we have ever made! The Anne Carlsen Center in Jamestown, ND is amazing and so is the staff. Nick did great there, and then back in September his doctor noticed he was quite sleepy and that his head was getting larger. The decision was made to send him to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Once there, they determined he has significant hydrocephaly and needed to to an emergency shunt surgery. Now its October 20th, 2012 and we are still here. Nick had yet another shunt surgery on Monday, and so far that's working well. It's been a long and rough road for us all this last 4 years, but we keep going! I'm going to try to start updating this blog more. I need an escape from life every now and then. So whether its an update on Nick or a recipe, I will post more often!

Thanks for reading :)

Recipes You'd Kill For...Part 5.

Crescent Rolls:

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups of milk
 3/4 cup + 1 Tablespoon Sugar
 1 egg
 1 Tablespoon salt
 2 Tablespoons yeast
 2 cups of warm water
 about 9-10 cups of flour
 at least 1 cup of butter
Scald 1 1/2 cups of milk, 3/4 cup sugar and 1/2 cup of butter, in a microwave safe bowl,
for about 2 minutes. Cutting the butter into pieces helps it melt faster. There will probably
be some little cubes of butter still floating in the hot mixture, they will melt.
We are going to add yeast to this hot mixture, but it will be too hot to just dump the yeast
straight in (it would kill it!). To cool it down stir in 1-2 cups of flour, then add 1 egg and
 1 Tablespoon of salt, and leave it to cool for a couple of minutes. Meanwhile, in a measuring
cup dissolve 2 Tablespoons of yeast in 2 cups of warm water and 1 Tablespoon of sugar. Let it
sit for a couple of minutes until it is bubbly.

**Keep track of how much flour you are adding!!!
**Make sure your milk mixture is just warm, not boiling and add the yeast mixture!
**Using a fork or wooden spoon, gradually stir in 9-10 cups of flour (counting the flour
you have already added to cool it earlier). I would recommend only adding 2 cups at a time
and stirring in between. These rolls turn out so much better when they are mixed by hand.
**At the end the dough will be dense and sticky, and may be hard to stir, you can use your
hands to incorporate the rest of the flour if needed. Be sure not to add too much flour. Then
smooth the dough out and cover the bowl with plastic wrap. Leave it in a warm place and let it raise.
**Gather a list of things for which your family is thankful. Type it up in columns, then print it out.
Cut the list into strips with scissors or a paper cutter. Then set them aside.
**When your dough is close to raising completely, butter 2 cookie sheets and set them aside.
**Let the dough raise until it has doubled in size.
**Cover your working space with flour to prevent the dough from sticking. Dump your dough
out and divide it into 4 balls. Eyeball the sizes, then lift them up and feel the weight of each ball.
Try to make them even, but they don’t have to be perfect.
**Using one ball of dough at a time: roll the dough into a circle on a floured counter. Once it is
rolled out spread the top with butter from edge to edge. You will use about 2 Tablespoons per circle of dough.
**Cut the dough into quarters using a pizza cutter. Then cut each quarter into 3 pieces. You should end up
with 12 triangles from each circle of dough.
**If you would like to add the thankful notes, now is the time! Place one thankful note lengthwise on the triangle
of dough. Make sure you spread plenty of butter when using these notes, It will prevent them from sticking!
**Whether or not you include a thankful note, you will roll the dough starting with the wide end of the triangle.
**Tuck the tail of the triangle under the roll and place it on the buttered cookie sheet. You will make 3 rows,
with 8 rolls per row. This will give you 24 rolls per pan. Two balls of dough will fill 1 pan. You will get a total of 48 rolls!
**Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. Place the pans of rolls in a warm place (on top of the oven if possible) to let them rise.
Once they are touching and full in size, cook (one pan at a time) in the oven ’till they are golden brown. About 10 – 15 minutes.

Recipes You'd Kill For...Part 4.

Lava Cakes:











Ingredients:
10 tablespoons (1 1/4 stick) butter
8 oz (1 cup) chocolate chips (semi-sweet)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar
3 large eggs
3 egg yolks (yes just the yolks)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons coffee liqueur (Kahlua) OR 1 tsp. instant coffee powder

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Spray 6 -6 ounce custard (ramekin) cups or cupcake tin.
In a medium microwavable bowl, melt chocolate chips and butter in the microwave for 60 seconds
and then in 30 second increments until smooth (about 1.5-2 minutes total). Add flour and sugar to
chocolate/butter sauce. Stir in the eggs and yolks until smooth. Add vanilla and coffee liqueur/instant
coffee and mix everything until combined. Divide the batter evenly among the each cups. Place cups
on top of a cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. The edges should be firm but the center will be runny.
Run a knife around the edges to loosen and invert onto dessert plates or you can serve each molten lava cake still in the cup.
Sprinkle powdered sugar on top, add a dollop of whipped cream or ice cream.

Recipes You'd Kill For...Part 3.

                                                   Fry Bread: 

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups warm water
Oil, for frying

Directions:
Put flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Mix well, add warm water and stir
until dough begins to ball up. On a lightly floured surface knead dough. Do not over-work
the dough. After working dough, place in a bowl and refrigerate for 1/2 to 1 hour.
 

Heat oil to 350 degrees in a frying pan or kettle. Lightly flour surface and pat and roll out
baseball size pieces of dough. Cut hole in middle with a knife (so the dough will fry flat) to
1/4-inch thickness and place in oil and cook until golden brown and flip over and cook opposite
side until same golden brown. Dough is done in about 3 minutes depending on oil temperature and thickness of dough.
 

After fry bread is done, add your favorite toppings!