How Are You Doing?

"How are you doing?" I heard that question a lot lately...well since Nick passed away. How do you answer a question like that? You don't want to say "I feel like crap. I'm lost without my son. I wish he were still here. It's not fair." But...you don't. You say "I'm fine. Taking it one day at a time." In reality, it hurts...a lot. I'm not fine. I do have my moments where I feel like crap and miss him so much and wish he was still here. I am human. I am his mom. But I do know one thing for sure. Nick is not here on earth. He is in Heaven with Jesus. And that is the greatest gift ever; knowing that He is watching over my little boy. 

It's so weird not driving to Jamestown on Sundays. It's been hard for me to get out of the habit of checking my phone every 5 minutes. I still have the Anne Carlsen Center on my speed dial. I just can't bring myself to remove the number from my phone. And I probably never will. It's weird yet great being back at church on Sundays. I have missed our church family. They have been the ones there for us through this long journey with Nick. Family doesn't necessarily have to be blood, that's for sure.

Today we went to the Health Expo at the Alerus Center. There were all sorts of booths there. Josh and I got our blood pressure and glucose checked. Everything came back normal. I finally gave in and made an appointment with a chiropractor. I know what you're thinking..."Finally?" Yeah...finally. I have been putting it off for a while because frankly, chiropractors creep me out, I can't stand the sound of cracking bones and I'm nervous they will break me. Let's be honest, I can barely walk a straight line sober, so I don't want to leave worse than what I am now. I am hoping they can help me with my hip problems because my long term goal is to be able to jog/run a marathon.

That's all for now I guess. I'll try to update again in a few days.

The Journey...

It's been a few months since I've updated this blog. This is one of the last photos taken of Nick before he passed away on February 9th, 2013, just before midnight. I won't say it's been easy, because losing your child is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. I am sad, a lot. Not sad in the way that I just want to lay in my bed and forget about the whole world. I'm sad in the way that I miss my little boy so much, but I know with all my heart that he is in Heaven with Jesus, pain free and watching over me. So yeah, I am sad. I am grieving the loss of my son. But the world did not end. I am still here. I have a purpose. I have been trying to keep myself busy, not to forget or not to grieve, but to prevent myself from going into a deep depression. I've witnesses this first hand with my dad after my mom passed away. He was so sad that he wanted to die also. I don't want that for myself. So, I keep busy. I am an Independent Designer for Origami Owl Jewelry (yvonnejones.origamiowl.com), and I am back in the gym working out. But now my workouts have a purpose. I workout for the coolest 16 year old I know. Her name is Brooke, and she has Autism. From what I have read about her, she is pretty awesome. You can read about her too at this link: ( www.butterfliesandbrooke.blogspot.com). Thanks Tim (https://www.facebook.com/IRunForMichael) for getting me hooked up with Brooke and her mom Dani. Tim is a cool guy. He created this awesome Facebook page (linked above) because of a cool guy he knows named Michael. Michael has Down Syndrome. I'm not going to tell you more. You'll just have to go like the Facebook page and read about Michael and the great things that are happening within the page and the group (www.facebook.com/groups/irunformichael). 

Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope to update this blog more often.